On Reading My Facebook Friends Recommendations, Pt. II
Last time on this space, I was writing about the somewhat surreal experience of reading through my Facebook Friendz recommendations, carefully. Some things just aren’t meant to be read carefully: Paul Ryan’s Republican budget proposal, for instance; FB Friendz recommendations. That notwithstanding—I did.
And, of course, I took a pass on nearly all of them. A few threads run through my rejections, though.
First, though FB’s algorithm seems confident it knows what it’s doing, I have no idea who the vast majority of these folks are. Presumably, most of them are friends of friends (or friendz of friendz): but they don’t mean shit to me. If I had to guess, FB is just going through the friendz lists of my friendz and throwing them all up on the page for me to peruse: it sometimes feels like you’ve broken into your friendz’s address book, or purse. Except that it’s not exciting.
Here’s the thing, though: the overwhelming majority of the time, my friendz’s friendz just ain’t my friendz. Let’s say a distant relative sends me a Friendz request: of course I’m going to accept it. But she lives, let’s say, in Cavalier, North Dakota: Pop. 1302. How many of her friendz do I know? None. Not a soul.
To up the odds, FB tells me how many “mutual friendz” we have; though intuitively right, that seems not to be very helpful, either. I had at least one friend suggested with whom I share 18 mutual friendz. I’ve never heard of him. Don’t know him from Adam.
For whatever reason—this is one of those krazy math facts that they use on TV shows when you’re a kid, to make math look “fascinating”—six mutual friendz is an incredibly fallow patch for me. There are suggestions with whom I share fewer mutual friends who seem like good bets, as well as those with many more: but six, for me, is the dead zone.
So what about all the suggestions that I do recognize? Not all these names and faces are complete strangers, after all; and yet I choose to become Friendz very, very few. Why?
First, there are those folks from my past who, every time I skip over them, I feel guilty…. An olive branch not extended. But really, guilt isn’t a good reason to add Friendz. If you’re not eager to reunite in what we used to call “real life,” why do it on-line? Do you really think they’re going to be any less tiresome as your virtual Friendz?
Then there are the folks of whom I am jealous, hence won’t contribute to their renown by friending them. I hardly want John Q. Public’s Friendz census to swell by one, from 417 to 418. It would just make him all braggy.
Next time: the thrilling conclusion!
